


@yuriplisetsky is a size queen

by pllsetskyonice (hma1313)



Series: social media aus [5]
Category: Yuri!!! on Ice (Anime)
Genre: Aged-Up Character(s), Alcohol, Alternate Universe - Post-Canon, Based on a Tumblr Post, Hung Otabek, M/M, Social Media, Top Otabek Altin
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-06-13
Updated: 2017-06-13
Packaged: 2018-11-13 16:55:46
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,900
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11189388
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/hma1313/pseuds/pllsetskyonice
Summary: “What are you talking about?”“Your Twitter? Your thread that spends about ten tweets waxing poetry about the size of my dick? Everyone’s talking about it, the fans are going crazy, I had Victor ringing me up half an hour ago to ask if it was true and if I really had deflowered Russia’s Fairy like that, and I just – what the hell were you thinking, Yuri?”In which Yuri gets drunk and Tweets some things he probably shouldn't have.





	@yuriplisetsky is a size queen

**Author's Note:**

> So I saw [this post](https://94mercy.tumblr.com/post/161463124954/hc-that-size-queen-yuri-plisetsky-gets-too-drunk) and immediately knew that I had to write it, so here we are. I'm back with yet another social media fic, this time with a cameo from what seems to be everyone's current favourite version of Otabek: hung!Otabek.
> 
> This can be [read on tumblr](http://pllsetskyonice.tumblr.com/post/161776501839/yuriplisetsky-is-a-size-queen) if you prefer.

They’ve been dating for a few months when it happens.

Yuri goes round to Mila’s for a few drinks after practice one day, and they steadily make their way through a bottle of vodka, laughing and talking about their respective partners. The music is loud and Yuri feels all loose and giggly as he reaches for his phone, taking selfies and documenting their escapades on Snapchat. He’s never been this drunk before, so drunk he’s not even sure what order his memories from the last few hours go in, so drunk that he can barely stand, so drunk that the room is spinning.

He sits down and opens Twitter, starting to type. He doesn’t even think about what he’s Tweeting, just starts a thread and keeps on going until he gets it all off his chest. Mila is grabbing at his hands and pulling him up so they can dance together again, and Yuri’s phone lies on the couch, forgotten.

So he doesn’t see what he’s done until morning.

* * *

It’s the sound of his phone vibrating loudly on the bedside table that wakes him up. He’s in Mila’s spare bedroom, a small sized room with what feels like the most uncomfortable bed he’s ever slept on, but it evidently didn’t bother him at whatever time he collapsed onto last night. At least he made it into bed, he supposes. That’s an achievement, even if he’s still wearing yesterday’s clothes.

He grabs at his phone, squinting at the screen. It reads 6 AM, and is somehow fully charged, even though he has doesn’t remember plugging it in last night. It’s far too early. Yuri wants nothing more at this particular moment in time than to roll over and go back to sleep to avoid dealing with this hangover from hell, but it’s Otabek that’s calling him, so he supposes that he’d better answer.

“Hello?” he says, his voice sounding all croaky as he unplugs his phone and rolls back onto his back. There’s light streaming in through a gap in the curtains, and Yuri would get up and close them properly, but they’re too far away to deal with right now. Instead, he opts for the easier option: pulling his blankets over his head.

“Yuri, what the fuck?” Otabek asks on the other end of the line. Even in this still half drunk, hungover state, Yuri can tell that this is Not Good. “What were you thinking?”

“What are you talking about?” Yuri replies. He wonders if it’s about his and Mila’s Snapchat stories, but from what he can remember there’s nothing too outrageous on them, just some really bad singing in questionable English to pop songs neither of them like.

“Your Twitter? Your thread that spends about ten tweets waxing poetry about the size of my dick? Everyone’s talking about it, the fans are going crazy, I had Victor ringing me up half an hour ago to ask if it was true and if I really had deflowered Russia’s Fairy like that, and I just – what the hell were you thinking, Yuri?”

Yuri fumbles with his phone, opening Twitter with his phone call with Otabek still active in the background. He doesn’t even need to go onto his profile to see it, it’s all over his timeline. “Oh, shit,” he swears as he scrolls through the Tweets. “I don’t even remember posting any of this. I was so drunk, Beka. So drunk. I’m sorry.”

* * *

**Yuri Plisetsky** @yuriplisetsky · 5h ago

Alright buckle in its gonna be a bumpy ride let me tell you a thing or two about the size of @otabekaltin’s dick

 **Yuri Plisetsky** @yuriplisetsky · 5h ago

I hope you’re ready bc I sure as hell wasn’t the first time I saw it – tho in fairness he did warn me about it beforehand

 **Yuri Plisetsky** @yuriplisetsky · 5h ago

But I’m gonna be honest here and say I had to take a moment when we did somethinh sexual for the first time bc girl, I couldn’t’ cope

 **Yuri Plisetsky** @yuriplisetsky · 5h ago

Shall we talk about the time he fucked me for the first time?

 **Yuri Plisetsky** @yuriplisetsky · 5h ago

YES WHAT A WONDERUFL IDEA KETS CARRY ON TALKING ABOUT THE SIZE OF MY BOYF’S DICK FOR THE NEXT TEN MINUTS

 **Yuri Plisetsky** @yuriplisetsky · 5h ago

After all of the prep (srsly ive never seen so much lube lmao) he finally entered me (is that even the right word idk I’m so drunk rn)

 **Yuri Plisetsky** @yuriplisetsky · 5h ago

I’ve never felt so full in my whole life it was SO GOOD 10/10 WOULD RECOMMEND (although hands off he’s mine)

 **Yuri Plisetsky** @yuriplisetsky · 5h ago

honestly tho I swear the sex gets better every time? He REALLY know what he’s doing with that thing let me tell you

 **Yuri Plisetsky** @yuriplisetsky · 5h ago

I did once ask if he needed a licence for it, he didn’t take it well lmao. Anyway, tl;dr: @otabekaltin’s dick is a godsend and

 **Yuri Plisetsky** @yuriplisetsky · 5h ago

I am forever grateful that I’ve got to experience such a masterpiece so many different times in so many different positions

 **Christophe Giacometti** @c_giacometti · 5h ago

Replying to @yuriplisetsky, @otabekaltin

Holy mother of god is this true? PLEASE TELL ME THIS IS TRUE

 **Yuri Angels** @yuriangels10 · 5h ago

Replying to @yuriplisetsky, @otabekaltin, @c_giacometti

AHAHAHA WE’VE BEEN SAYING THIS FOR AGES WE CAN’T BELIEVE THIS IS HAPPENING

* * *

“Yeah, I figured, from the numerous spelling mistakes and yours and Mila’s Snapchat stories from last night,” Otabek says, sighing. “But that doesn’t make this okay, Yuri.”

“I know,” Yuri says miserably as he continues to scroll through the shit storm that’s taken over his Twitter. “Do you want me to delete the tweets?”

“I’m not sure what good that’ll do at this stage,” Otabek says. “They’ve already been screenshotted and reposted too Tumblr and Instagram and Facebook so many times that deleting the original tweets doesn’t mean that people will stop talking about it.”

“True,” Yuri agrees. He hasn’t checked Tumblr yet but he already feels like the Yuri Plisetsky tag will be trending on there, full of screenshots taken from Twitter and detailed posts discussing it all. Instagram will be full of people screaming in the comments, and Facebook will have people criticising his decision to share this all on the internet for everyone to see. No doubt someone has already put together a compilation video on YouTube of closeups of Otabek’s crotch with Yuri’s tweets edited onto it. “I can’t apologise enough for all of this. I’m so sorry.”

* * *

**russian fairy** @plsetsky · 4h ago

@yuriplisetsky is a size queen

 **Jenna** @xxknifeshoesxx · 4h ago

Replying to @plsetsky

I can’t believe that this is confirmed, what the hell

 **skate away** @quadloop · 4h ago

Replying to @plsetsky, @xxknifeshoesxx

Is it just me that rlly wants to know just how big Otabek is now?

 **russian fairy** @plsetsky · 4h ago

Nah (I mean it might be bordering the slightly creepy territory but still, SOMEONE FETCH THE GUY A TAPE MEASURE)

* * *

“I know,” Otabek says. “I’m not happy that this has happened, but it has, so we’ll deal with it – oh no, Victor’s just messaged in the group chat.”

* * *

**Victor:** EXPLAIN YOURSELVES

 **Victor:** [multiple screenshots of Twitter threads]

 **Yuri:** …

 **Yuri:** why the hell should we have to explain ourselves to you two??!

 **Victor:** BECAUSE IT SEEMS LIKE EVERYONE IN THE SKATING WORLD IS TALKING ABOUT THE SIZE OF OTABEK’S DICK AND HOW MUCH YOU LOVE IT AND WHY DID YOU POST THIS ALL ONTO TWITTER?

 **Yuri:** jesus

 **Yuri:** stop yelling

 **Yuri:** I was drunk and said some things on twitter, it’s not a big deal

 **Victor:** It very clearly is!

 **Victor:** Yakov is going to have your head off over this, I’m surprised he hasn’t called you yet

 **Victor:** If you thought he was mad at you after Welcome To The Madness, then you’ve really got another thing coming

 **Yuri:** I can handle yakov thank you

 **Otabek:** I’d make a joke about how if you can handle my dick you can handle anything but somehow I don’t think that would be appreciated

 **Yuri:** oh my god beka

 **Victor:** You’re right, it wouldn’t be appreciated

 **Yuuri:** Maybe

 **Yuuri:** Maybe it doesn’t matter because they’re both consenting adults and what goes on behind closed door isn’t anyone’s business but theirs?

 **Victor:** Yuuri I love you but that’s not the point

 **Victor:** They’re going to get people going on about this for months, in interviews, in articles, online… it’ll come back to haunt you in five years’ time at a party when someone’s flicking through their camera roll and finds the tweets and is like, “oh wow who remembers when?”

 **Yuri:** alright I get it my tweets are a ghost that’ll come back to haunt me

 **Yuri:** can we all please calm down I really don’t want to deal with this rn

 **Victor:** Is that because you’re hungover? Well you should’ve thought about that before you got drunk and posted a bunch of stupid tweets to twitter!

 **Yuri:** *true, not stupid

 **Yuri:** and stfu victor

 **Yuri:** no one cares what you have to say

* * *

**Phichit Chulanont** @phichit_chu · 3h ago

I’M YELLING pic.twitter.com/t35v5f

 **Phichit Chulanont** @phichit_chu · 3h ago

Someone should get yuri drunk more often this is GOLD

 **Mila Babicheva** @mila_b · 20m ago

Replying to @phichit_chu

I honestly don’t know if I should be apologising or not

 **Phichit Chulanont** @phichit_chu · 20m ago

Noooo! Definitely not lmao I WANT TO KNOW ALL THE SECRETS

* * *

**registered yuri angel no 4525** @slicetheice · 10m ago

@yuriplisetsky is this banana bigger than otabek’s dick? pls respond pic.twitter.com/235g5y

 **registered yuri angel no 4525** @slicetheice · 10m ago

@yuriplisetsky is this cucumber bigger than otabek’s dick? pls respond pic.twitter.com/43qg5

 **registered yuri angel no 4525** @slicetheice · 10m ago

@yuriplisetsky is this aubergine bigger than otabek’s dick? pls respond pic.twitter.com/4gaf35

 **registered yuri angel no 4525** @slicetheice · 9m ago

@yuriplisetsky is this leek bigger than otabek’s dick? pls respond pic.twitter.com/98rga3

 **registered yuri angel no 4525** @slicetheice · 9m ago

@yuriplisetsky is this can of dry shampoo bigger than otabek’s dick? pls respond pic.twitter.com/257g23

 **registered yuri angel no 4525** @slicetheice · 9m ago

@yuriplisetsky is this chair leg bigger than otabek’s dick? pls respond pic.twitter.com/5gsgj1

 **registered yuri angel no 4525** @slicetheice · 8m ago

@yuriplisetsky is this table leg bigger than otabek’s dic? pls respond pic.twitter.com/43tg83

 **registered yuri angel no 4525** @slicetheice · 8m ago

@yuriplisetsky is this branch bigger than otabek’s dick? pls respond pic.twitter.com/6grg24

 **registered yuri angel no 4525** @slicetheice · 8m ago

@yuriplisetsky is this tree bigger than otabek’s dick? pls respond pic.twitter.com/7gr32t

 **Yurabek For Life** @yurabek4life · 6m ago

Replying to @slicetheice

@yuriplisetsky is this dildo bigger than otabek’s dick? pls respond pic.twitter.com/24gw46

 **registered yuri angel no 4525** @slicetheice · 6m ago

u ruined it

 **registered yuri angel no 4525** @slicetheice · 6m ago

gtfo my thread

* * *

There’s a knock on the bedroom door and Mila enters, a glass of water in one hand and her phone in the other. Her hair is messy and she obviously didn’t get around to taking off her makeup last night, as her eyeliner and mascara is smudged around her eyes and what’s left of her foundation is decidedly patchy.

“Hey,” she says quietly, walking forward and placing the glass on the bedside table. “Thought you could probably do with a glass of water.”

“Thanks,” Yuri mumbles, reaching for the glass and taking a few small sips. Though his phone call with Otabek has now ended, they’re continuing to text as they both keep an eye on what’s happening on social media. Victor keeps texting him too, and Yakov keeps calling him, but Yuri is ignoring those. He doesn’t need a lecture right now.

Mila shuffles on her feet, pulling the sleeves of her hoodie over her hands. “I’m sorry,” she says quietly, looking down at the carpet rather than at Yuri. “I never should’ve got you that drunk last night.”

“You do realise I don’t really give a shit, right?” Yuri replies. Mila’s head snaps up and she stares at him, brow furrowed.

“What?” she asks, confused.

“I don’t care, Mila,” Yuri says. “Maybe in a perfect world I wouldn’t have posted those tweets and sent the figure skating fandom into a meltdown, and maybe people at Google questioning wouldn’t be wondering why there’s been a sudden increase in people Googling what the average penis size in Kazakhstan is, but it’s not the end of the world. Otabek wasn’t best pleased at first but I think he’s getting over it now. If anything, it’s just given everyone another reason to be jealous of the fact that I’m dating him.”

Mila scoffs, a smile spreading across her face. “You’re something else, Plisetsky,” she says. “Are you going to tell me, then?”

“Tell you what?” Yuri asks, feigning ignorance as he continues to scroll through Twitter. He’s trending, but he’s not exactly sure how he’s supposed to feel about that given the circumstances.

“How big he is, of course!”

“Fuck no. Get out my room.”

“Technically speaking –”

“Did I fucking stutter?”

* * *

17 missed calls from **Yakov**

 **Yakov:** What on earth is going on

 **Yakov:** I hope you have a reasonable explanation for all of this

 **Yakov:** I am concerned about that boy’s influence on you

 **Yakov:** Please answer your phone calls

 **Yakov:** Answer the phone when I call you!

 **Yakov:** ANSWER THE PHONE!!

* * *

Otabek Altin retweeted

 **russian fairy** @plsetsky · 5h ago

@yuriplisetsky is a size queen

 **Otabek Altin** @otabekaltin · 1m ago

Replying to @plsetsky

Hell yes he is. ;) #yurisizequeen

 **Yuri Plisetsky** @yuriplisetsky · 30s ago

Replying to @plsetsky, @otabekaltin

#yurisizequeen CONFIRMED

* * *

**Worldwide Trends** · Change

**#yurisizequeen**

@yuriplisetsky and @otabekaltin are Tweeting about this

**General Election**

UK General Election ends in hung parliament

**The King and The Skater III**

@phichit_chu is Tweeting about this

**#mysearchhistory**

What’s the weirdest thing you’ve Googled?

**Kazakhstan’s Hero**

Otabek Altin is now being celebrated for entirely different reasons than the ones you’re thinking of

**#thebigmeat**

1,257 Tweets

* * *

**Yuri Plisetsky**

@yuriplisetsky

Gold medallist Russian figure skater. Otabek Altin’s boyfriend. Size queen.

St Petersburg

Joined March 2014

Born March 1

* * *

**Phichit Chulanont** @phichit_chu · 10m ago

@yuriplisetsky YOU UPDATED YOUR BIO AND I’M YELLING

 **Yuri Plisetsky** @yuriplisetsky · 10m ago

Replying to @phichit_chu

I was just showing who I am

 **Christophe Giacometti** @c_giacometti · 8m ago

This whole thing is making my day #yurisizequeen @otabekaltin so how well does he take it?

 **Otabek Altin** @otabekaltin · 8m ago

Now that would be telling ;)

 **Christophe Giacometti** @c_giacometti · 7m ago

Is that code for “I’ve never had anyone take it so well before”?

 **Yuri Plisetsky** @yuriplisetsky · 5m ago

Why must I be exposed in this way

 **Phichit Chulanont** @phichit_chu · 4m ago

You exposed yourself

 **Yuri Plisetsky** @yuriplisetsky · 2m ago

…true

* * *

**Yuri:** I’m never drinking with you again.

 **Mila:** Yeah, whatever you say

 **Mila:** I will get you drunk again and get you to spill your secrets all over Twitter

 **Yuri:** NEVER

 **Yuri:** NOT HAPPENING

 **Mila:** Sure, keep telling yourself that

 **Mila:** So, you want to have a few drinks next Friday?

 **Yuri:** …

 **Yuri:** Fine. I’m in.

* * *

Yuri’s been back at his apartment for a few hours, doing nothing more than curling up on the couch and watching Netflix and contemplating if he can stomach food yet when the doorbell rings. He stares at the door for a few moments, confused, because he no one’s told him they’re coming around. Maybe he left something at Mila’s and she’s decided to drop it off when running errands or something. Sighing, he pauses Netflix, drags himself off the couch and shuffles to the door, his blanket wrapped round his shoulders like a cape.

“What the hell are you doing here?” Yuri demands when he opens the door and sees Otabek of all people standing there. “You decided to just hop on the next plane to St Petersburg or something?”

“Um, yeah,” Otabek mumbles, brushing a hand through his hair as a faint blush spreads across his cheeks. With his other hand, he holds up a bag from the local convenience store. “I also got food. Wanted to make sure you were actually going to eat something today.”

Through the thin white plastic of the bag, Yuri spots a familiar label. “You got me Pringles.” They’re one of his favourite foods that he’s not really supposed to eat when he’s training, but they’re also what he really wants right now.

Otabek grins. “I did.”

“Have I told you how much I love you recently?” Yuri asks, making a grab for the bag. Looking like a kid at Christmas, he takes the lid off the Pringles and tears at the paper/foil one, before taking several crisps out of the tube and putting them all into his mouth at once.

“Well, you’ve told the world about how much you love my dick, but apart from that, no, I don’t think so.”

“Oh my god, shut up,” Yuri says through a mouthful of crisps, rolling his eyes. “Come on, get in here.”

* * *

**Yuri Plisetsky** @yuriplisetsky · 13m ago

Look who flew all the way from Almaty just to be here! ♥♥ pic.twitter.com/36uhghefh5

 **Otabek Altin** @otabekatlin · 12m ago

Replying to Yuri Plisetsky

It’s good to be back. ♥♥

 **Christophe Giacometti** @c_giacometti · 10m ago

I bet it is ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)

 **Yuri Plisetsky** @yuriplisetsky · 10m ago

Oh yes ;)

**Author's Note:**

> tumblr: [pllsetskyonice](http://pllsetskyonice.tumblr.com/)


End file.
